Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
