there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
