He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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