Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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