can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
