He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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