I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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