Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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