He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
