Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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