It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
