I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
