He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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