I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
