Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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