Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
