Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
50% drunk capacity currently
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
