hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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