I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
