Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
