I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
