its not stalking. its research.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
