U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
