Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
