Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
