So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
