In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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