His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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