My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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