I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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