...so i touched it.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
