If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
