apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
