so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
