if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
