I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
