just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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