North Korea, Best Korea!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
