I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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