batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I just sharted jello shots
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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