i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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