I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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