Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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