I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
