My liver just broke up with me...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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