You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
