I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
