Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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