can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
