last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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